The Impact of Friendships on Longevity and Well-being: The Surprising Catch You Need to Know

Do friends make you happier and healthier? Absolutely. Can friends help you live longer? Definitely -- but only certain kinds of friends.

If you want to live a longer, happier life, friends matter -- even more than family.

A study that found close relationships with children and other relatives had very little impact on how long you live, but the people with the most friends tended to outlive those with the fewest by 22 percent. The number of friendships is important. Even more important is the quality of your friendships.

A clinical review of nearly 150 studies -- involving over 300,000 people followed for an average of more than seven years -- found that people with strong social ties had a 50 percent better chance of survival, regardless of age, sex, health status, and cause of death, than those with weaker ties. In more direct terms, the health risk of having few friends is similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous to your lifespan than being obese or not exercising.

Keep in mind that "strong social ties" means real friends, not social-media friends or connections. (I have a million-plus LinkedIn followers, but they're hardly friends, much less close friends.) Another caveat? Research shows only about half the people you consider to be friends think of you as their friend. While that sounds harsh, it also makes sense. Your definition of "friend" may differ from other people's. Besides: No matter how you define "friend," in reality, there isn't time to have too many friends.

According to Oxford evolutionary scientist Robin Dunbar, the number of stable relationships we can maintain at once is finite. (Dunbar's theory presumes 150 or so is the maximum number of connections possible.) That sounds like a lot, but those are connections. In simple terms, Dunbar feels we have different layers or slices of friends: one or two truly best friends (like your significant other and maybe one other person)... then maybe 10 people with whom you have "great affinity" and interact with frequently... and then all sorts of other people you're friendly with but who aren't friends.

Intuitively, that makes sense. I'm friendly with a lot of people, but I have very, very few friends. (One, maybe?) While that sounds low -- because it is -- a 2021 study found the average person's number of "close" friends is 2.08.

Add it all up, and "friends" and connections are two very different things.

In fact, having too many superficial, distant, and less than meaningful relationships can actually lead to feeling more insecure and lonely rather than less, which research shows actually increases your risk of illness and death to the same degree as obesity, smoking, and alcoholism.

That's the thing about friendship and its connection to longevity. The key isn't to have more friends. The key isn't to try to collect as many friends as possible.

The key is to have two or three close friends. And then, of course, plenty of people who aren't necessarily friends but are fun to be around, or result in a mutually beneficial relationship, or share common interests.

To live longer, you don't need to be less friendly. You don't need to pare down your social-media connections. You don't need to limit your number of personal or professional relationships. You just need to nurture the most important relationships in your life.

"The Impact of Friendships on Longevity and Well-being: The Surprising Catch You Need to Know"